Ohhhhh that’s her plan. Good show Dany. Poor Jamie. What is happening with Bran!
Jamie’s hand is now hanging around his neck as a harsh reminder of what his father cannot protect him from. Gross and rude. Jamie is begging for water and Locke gets him to drink horse urine. So mean. I love that I am actually now feeling bad for Jamie Lannister. What is happening to me?! Jamie grabs a sword but cannot fight left-handed and is beat to the ground and his face is pushed into the mud. Ugh, the feels! It’s a Lannister! Don’t care so much. But I do. I feel bad for the Kingslayer.
In Bran’s storyline he is still with the boy Jojen and dreaming of the three-eyed crow. Can’t wait to see this story line play out. Also took me this whole episode to remember that Jojen is the little boy from Love Actually. Awww. Adorable. But back to Westeros.
In King’s Landing Varys is meeting with Tyrion and delivers him a crate. He is telling Tyrion the story of how he became…lacking downstairs. He was drugged by a man who then cut off his manhood and burned it in a dark magic ceremony. Creepy. So Varys despises “magic and all those who practice it.” The crate is finally opened and inside it is the wizard who mutilated Varys with his mouth sewn shut.
Back to the Night’s Watch. The men hate working at Craster’s. And they should. He sucks. They need to just get out of there. Samwell is talking to Gilly and bothering her about the name of her baby. Sam is kind of annoying. I’m waiting for him to surprise us all and be a great hero.
Varys is speaking with Ros and has been informed that Littlefinger’s ship has two feather beds in it for his trip to the Eyrie. The assumption is he is trying to sneak Sansa away with him. Gross. So he can’t have the mom, go for the daughter? I guess that’s a thing in Westeros.
Ugh, more Joffrey. He is walking with Margaery telling her the history of King’s Landing in the Sept of Baelor, where their wedding is going to take place. Margaery is so gifted at playing the young king, but I guess he’s not that difficult to figure out. She convinces him to go outside and acknowledge the crowd. The crowd is shouting for Margaery but she tells him it’s really all for him so they go outside to greet the people.
Mystery boy is now leading Theon Greyjoy to his sister through some tunnels. He says Theon’s dad knew what was happening ti him this whole time. Theon is reflecting on his decisions from past episodes and then says “my real father lost his head at King’s Landing…I made a choice, and I chose wrong, and now I’ve burned everything down.” Awwww, but I still don’t like you Theon. You had a good thing going for you, I think they call this karma. The man now leads Theon back into the dungeon. Whaaaa? Other men put Theon back on the cross. What was that all about? Who is this guy?
At camp we return to Jamie Lannister. He is dying and not eating. Brienne is trying to get him to snap out of it. They fight because Brienne is calling him a wuss and to get over himself and the loss of his hand. Basically Jamie needs to man up. So he finally eats. She then asks why Jamie told that story about her family being wealthy since it isn’t true in order to save her. Why is he helping? Feelings for someone that’s not his sister? Interesting.
Cersei is now in Tywin’s office asking if he is doing everything possible to get Jamie back. He shoots her down and then gives Cersei an opportunity to prove she isn’t worthless to him. Then he delivers this beauty “I don’t distrust you because you’re a woman, I distrust you because you’re not as smart as you think”.
Lady Olenna and Varys are chatting about Littlefinger and his attachment to Sansa. They form a plan and Margaery finds Sansa to put it into action. She mentions to Sansa she likes her very much and would love to become sisters with her. The best way to that? Why marry her brother Loras of course and then they can be sisters. Oh Sansa, what will we do with you. She is so happy about it and can’t wait to marry Sir Loras. Oh boy.
At Craster’s again the Night’s Watch are burning a corpse of one of the men who didn’t get enough food. Craster tells the Lord Commander to kill all the wounded men and it makes the men rightfully angry. Craster is awful. The men start arguing with Craster and then things go crazy. Craster is killed (WOOO!! Finally!) but so is the Lord Commander. Sam grabs Gilly and they get out of there as fast as tubby Sam can go.
Arya! She is still with the Brotherhood without Banners in their hideout and their prisoner, The Hound. The leader of the crew is Beric Dondarrion who is looking for The Mountain (The Hound’s brother. Solid nicknames guys). Beric is also a fan of the Lord of the Light just like that red head, Melisandre. Arya tells them The Hound murdered the butcher’s boy and so The Hound will go to trial by combat.
Dany is still in Astapor. Remember, she traded one of her dragons for those slave soldiers? Let’s watch that play out. Dany is in the center of the square with all of her Unsullied, slave masters, and Kraznys waiting around. Kraznys is talking but Dany isn’t really listening. She opens a basket and one of her dragons is on a chain leash which Kraznys takes from her in exchange for the whip that gives her control of the slaves. She asks if the deal is done and Kraznys insults her in Valyrian. She walks down the steps and overhead the dragon is screeching. Dany then looks to her Unsullied and starts to speak to them…in Valyrian. Ohhh what?! Dany orders the Unsullied to do certain things and then the magic happens. Dany turns and starts berating Kraznys in Valyrian. She then tells the Unsullied to kill all slave masters but not harm any of the children. Kraznys is outraged and tells the guards to kill Dany and then you know what happens? DANY HAS THE DRAGON SET KRAZNYS ON FIRE! The city is now burning and Dany turns to the Unsullied and tell them they are free men now. They can join her if they want, but they will never be slaves again. They all follow her as she marches triumphantly away from the burning city. Hell yeah.